Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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