what day is it and did you see me today?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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