how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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