Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
