mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
