Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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