Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
