I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
