Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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