we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
