Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
