Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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