I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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