she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
40s are totally the cure
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
