you turned your livingroom into a bong?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
