in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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