so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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