i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
