Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
