shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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