found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
