So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
