Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
