Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
