I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
