this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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