did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Someone signed my nipple.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
