Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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