Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the day after is always just damage control
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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