What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
