remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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