Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
