she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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