i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
