There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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