my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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