physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
