Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
