U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
