So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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