So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
