I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
