if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
