You're a womanizer and a bitch.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
