My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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