Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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