3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
