You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he just fucked me for my cheese.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
