we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
