Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
